I competed as a lightweight, Master 2, blue belt. Lightweight meant I had to weigh in at 168 with my gi on right before my matches. Master 2 means I'm pretty old. I was pretty much right on weight throughout the last week before the tournament. I woke up and weighed in at 163, a little high considering that I wouldn't be weighing in until the middle of the afternoon. So, I went for a run and afterwards I was at 160. It turned out to not even being close, I weighed 165 with my gi on.
After my run, I showered, had some coffee and jumped in the rented minivan and headed to the gym to pick everyone up. We had a full van, and a little over 3 hours of driving ahead of us. But, road trips are always fun!
We got to the Coral Springs gymnasium a little after 9 am and stood in line to check in. After getting in the gym, it was time to wait. For those of you who have never competed, it's a lot of waiting around. Usually the kids go first, starting around 10 am. And there are usually a lot of kids! Then white belts, blue belts, purple belts, brown belts and black belts. Adult blue belts were scheduled to start around 2:30 pm. The waiting is probably one of the toughest things about competitions. Your nerves are already on edge, you can't eat much because you are trying to make weight, and gym stadium seating is really uncomfortable. It's a great time!
Finally, adult blue belts were called up to the warm up area. I rushed over there, but there was no need. I think it was another hour of waiting around before my weight class. At last, my name was called and I got my gi inspected and weighed in. There were 3 other competitors in my age and weight class. We walked over to mat 4 and it was time to go.
My opponent was Larry Puchta. We walked out onto the mat, shook hands with the judge and each other and then our match began. Usually, I pull guard almost immediately. My stand up game is horrible, and I'd rather get to the ground with no points being scored. But, it'd been awhile since I last competed and I wanted to try and go for a takedown if I got grips I wanted. Unfortunately, Larry got 2 collar grips and jumped guard. I tried to posture up in his guard, but he controlled my right arm over his centerline and swept me to mount almost immediately. So, about 30 seconds into the match and I was down 6-0. I was able to defend his attacks and slowly recover half guard, but he had the underhook and he was eventually able to get to quarter guard and then, finally, pass my guard again. Now, I was down 9-0. I worked and recovered half guard again, then I got a knee shield and collar and sleeve grip. But, there were only about 30 seconds left and I couldn't mount a sweep attempt. I lost the 5 minute match 9-0.
The flood of emotions after working so hard preparing for a tournament, driving 3 hours and losing your first match is hard to explain. Immediately afterwards, I felt like I let my team and Instructors down. It's a questioning about why I train so hard and end up not achieving the results I want on the competition mat. Is it worth it? Maybe I should take some time off? It takes a little while to come out of that funk, but yes it's worth it. Obviously, I want to win competition matches. But, Brazilian Jiu Jitsu is so much more than that. It's the camaraderie that you build with your teammates during hours of training together in the gym.
It's the self discipline and quiet self confidence that training in any martial art brings. Competition itself is testing yourself against other opponents and finding holes in your game. But, above all that, I think Jiu Jitsu makes me a better person. It's hard to explain why. Jiu Jitsu definitely requires you to leave your ego at the door. From the time that you first tie a white belt around your waist, you lose... a lot, you get smashed and you tap a lot. As time passes, you gain experience and you tap less often. But you still tap, there is still no room for ego.
My teammate, Roberto, shared this quote from Theodore Roosevelt with me after losing that helped put things into perspective:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”
I lost that competition match, but I lost it while giving everything I had to win it. In the end, my setbacks just feed my fire to keep training, keep trying to better myself. I may never be an elite competitor, or win gold medals at Worlds. But, that's not why I do Jiu Jitsu in the first place.
So, Monday morning, I was back on the mats training and eyeing the next tournament where I can test myself again! Oss!
